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My Better Half

Well, it's one of those rare nights.. when I am at home without my Darling Hubby.. I never sleep well on these nights. In fact there is alot I don't do well without my other half...for example:

If it wasn't for him.. I would never attempt to have a schedule .. I would accept that my life was complete and total chaos..and that there was no use in fighting it... and while this is appealing to those of us who don't like to "fight"... it doesn't work well in the "real world".. progress isn't made by sitting on the sidelines.. therefore my husbands grave expressions at my lack of discipline for being on time.. somehow is an encouragement to me when he isn't present.. hmm.. not really fair to him is it.. sort of a double standard. Well.. from this moment I will chose to tryyyy to remember my appreciation for his prodding at me when I am less than springy on my feet...

Also.. he is my hero.. somehow just knowing he is here in the battle with me by my side helps me confront the demons we face on a daily basis... he knows my weaknesses and prepares to handle situations in ways to help protect and strengthen me.. without making me feel inadequate.. and knows when I need to fight on my own.. and encourages me every step.. I am not who God has meant for me to be without my other half.. it's divine design.. and being separated even if for just a short time.. I am graced to be reminded what a gift it is to have him here.

Which Way do We go??

Sometimes I find myself bouncing around in my own head.. gotta wonder if there isn't a virtual trampoline in there... I feel like that old cartoon character from Lady and the Tramp... ya know.. the Hound that lost his sense of smell... and continues to ask his buddies " which way did he go..". Yup.. that's me today. Sooo many twists and turns come at you in life.. like you're going 90 miles an hour on a road that is clearly meant for uphill slow moving traffic only... CRAZY.. right.. or not? It would be so simple really.... if my choices only influenced me. But that isn't how it works. I have 5 beautiful children.. who depend on me and my husband to provide for them.. and to me that includes more than the standard.. food, clothing, and shelter. I want them to live an enriched life, full of spiritual knowledge, Faith, Confidence, and a Passion to Love God and live out His calling. Easy right?

High standards.. maybe.. but I'm not expecting perfection.. just to know that I have given everything I have to give them the best chance at life. They deserve that.

At this moment in my life.. I am at a crossroads that split.. and split again.. and like a game of chess.. the choices vs consequences are getting so far down the road.. I can't remember what's right in front of me.

Of Course I Pray for Guidance.. and I am trying harder than I ever have in my life to achieve some balance at trusting in His timing.. and not sitting idely by .. expecting a hand out.. it's like walking a tight wire that the goal is your family's survival.. no falling allowed.

In case you're totally lost.. which if I was you.. I would be.. let me enlighten you.. a bit anyway. We have gone some time without a personal paycheck from the company we own... and the moment of decision is approaching.. actually we have already made some decisions and now are waist deep in some dark water.. the other side is visible.. and it won't get much deeper.. no fear of drowning.. but the knowledge that getting to the other side is still some distance.. and fear of whether I can trudge that far can over come me.. I am tired. I know you know how I feel. I know this because not a soul alive in this world makes it out without some battle scars.. I'm just sharing mine.

Friends.. I will remember you and your trials tonight.. whoever you are.. wherever you are.. would you remember me too.. God Bless you!

True Gritt!

True Story Folks..

Once upon a time there was a lady.. (ahem) stop pretending you don't already know it's me.. she woke up on a Wednesday morning.. and must have confused it with Monday... The discovery was made when a sudden flurry of papers and small items went flying into the air in all random directions.. while some crazy person was having a tantrum.. no you will not see this on the 6:00 news.. because they don't cover "wife/mom" fits .. or at least until there is real damage incurred.. Well suffice to say.. I let the Devil get a piece of me this morning.. I owe my hubby a big apology! BIG one.. needless to say I'm struggling.. I get so tired of making the same mistakes over and over.. I don't even want to be around me.. but alas.. the Devil got one good chunk of me this morning.. he doesn't get one for bed time too!!!! Being under pressure and stress is no excuse ladies.. to act a fool.. and trust me.. when the "flurry" passes... it's still cold. Gotta go stoke the fires now.. and it's gonna start with a heaping "pile" of apology.. and humility.. wish I could say I did better.. but I didn't .. tomorrow.. I will.. I Love the Lord.. and He loves me.. and I love my Hubby..Good Night friends.. and any good old fashioned TLC.. with a bit of scripture encouragement wouldn't hurt one bit! Love ya'll!

Sigh.. the end of Another Day!

Ok.. I confess.. I am totally a Monday Loather... yes.. I too begin the Sunday evening dread...knowing that when the morning comes.. so does complete and total chaos! While this used to bring me unbearable dread.. I at least will allow my eyes to open when the lights come on now..That's right ! I don't turn them on .. my dear Hubby does.. he's such a champ! Springs out of bed like a lightning bolt that's been plugged in to an outlet charging all night.. makes as much noise as a good bolt of lighting too! But.. if it wasn't for that... I might waste away under my plush covers praying Monday would be skipped... sigh.. no such luck.. as would be made known by the screaming banshees coming down the hall .. fighting over toothbrushes and combs.. and "who stole my shoes?!".. "oh never mind.. I found them ".. by now I have sat up in the bed and given up hope that Monday would dissappear and have moved on to a heavy shouldered drag straight to the coffee pot... no.. I don't speak before I get that little cup of "it's gonna be ok"... At some point ammidst my coffee soaking.. my big kids exit for the schoolbus.. my one little one remaining is still blissfully sleeping.. and now begins a new battle... Don't Go Back to Bed!!!! and than.. my Bible Reading comes to mind.. a convicting one at that.. I wish I could say I was estute enough to know the scripture and verse.. but I have not yet accomplished this awesome task.. however.. I do remember what was spoken. "Hurry to Obey the Lord's Commands".. Google it.. if you wanna double check.. and maybe you can remind me of the verse it'self... :)... well.. that's a wow moment for me... it has Obey and Hurry in the same scentence... ug.. and ug.. again.. but.. I Love the Lord.... and so.. I start to rev the engine.... Thank the Lord ... no really Thank the Lord.. for if it wasn't for those wonderful words to prick my heart... my family would be without a Mom on Monday's for sure... I will say it turned out to be pretty good though.. A surprise field trip to the local Pizza Place with my Preschooler. ( no I didn't know.. and yes I did get paperwork on it).. really made it a special day... he got to make his own pizza and eat it too! Than.. we closed out the night with a choir performance by Jazzy Girl... and Baseball Practice for Xavier.. Tommorrow.. I will try to take over the world!!!! :D